Two Months

It hardly seems fair that life has gone by after the passing of our sweet son. It has been two months since his body left this Earth. We have been doing well, just keeping busy as usual. I am still working 5-6 days a week and Justin keeps his busy schedule at work. We have been so blessed with callings, family, & friends to keep us occupied and busy doing the Lords work. We miss our sweet Brannick and not a day goes by that I do not think of and long for him. I recently had a friend lose her newborn daughter and as she wrote on her blog of her experiences during her short stay at Ogden Regional and then Primary's I longed to be there. It amazed me how much I just wanted to walk down those familiar halls and see the same faces that always greeted us on our way back to Brannick. I would give anything to be able to go back and spend one more minute with him. I am not sure if I'd be strong enough to handle visiting the hospital, but it just seemed like a second home to me. The smells and sounds remind me of him. Anyway, at this point I'm just blabbing on and on about nothing. The point of this was to remember him and to let you all know that we are doing well. He is still very close and I feel his sweet presence. We don't cry over him as often (we meaning me....I'm a crybaby!) but I remember him always and keep him close. I can never express enough the relief I feel at knowing that because of Heavenly Fathers plan for us we will be with him again. I long for that day. Thank you to those of you who still call, pray, and think of us. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people surrounding us. Here are a few more pictures of his last day with us:

Heavens very special angel

I know many of you are surprised to hear of the sad events that have happened over the past few weeks leading up to Brannick passing away. He got a very small infection that lead to him needing to be on the ventillator again. After several days of getting worse and needing more support, the doctors pulled us aside and reminded us that many kids that are on a ventillator for more than 3 months of their lives will most likely not ever be able to live for long. After a lot of talking, learning and praying, we decided that it would be more peaceful and less painful for Brannick to be taken off of life support before he gets sick and dies suddenly. On Sunday we felt that Thursday was to be the day. As the days past on he kept getting worse and they needed to give him more sedation and morphine to keep him comfortable.

Thursday our family gathered together say goodbye to our sweet might prince. As we pulled out his breathing tube he continued to breathe for about 30 minutes. It was peaceful and gentle as his spirit slowly slipped away from my arms to Heavenly Fathers arms. Although this was the hardest thing I've ever done, it was the most peaceful and spiritual experience I think I've ever had.

Saturday was a very small viewing for family and a small graveside service. We decided to keep everything small since Brannick was so personal to us. We just felt like it needed to be small and intimate. I hope those of you who would have liked to have been there can understand our decision. We are so thankful for all of you who have been so amazing and supportive toward us. Your prayers were felt and helped us to be strong for our son. He is an amazing little boy and we are honored to be his earthly parents and to see him again soon.

I need to give a very special thanks to the wonderful people at the hospitals Brannick lived in. He was so loved and watched over. Every decision they made on his behalf was one of love. This past week, Primary Childrens was just so amazing. They let us do whatever it was that we needed. We were able to visit at any hour and have as many people by his bedside as we wanted. They gave us more than we needed and provided lunch for us on Thursday. All of the nurses who cared for Brannick were amazing. We are so blessed to have so many new friends! Our life is so wonderful!

I also need to thank Myers mortuary. They offered all of their services to us at no cost. It would have been several thousands of dollars for us to bury our son, but they donated everything. They were amazing! Now we are going to be able to pay for a headstone for Brannick. How blessed we are!

I will post pictures here and there over the next few weeks.

Bath Time & Fashion Show

Well, Brannick and I have had so much fun this week! I have worked a lot, but when I am there I have stayed for a long time. Every Mon, Wed, & Friday (and as needed) it is bath night in the NICU. I was able to be there Wednesday and this was Brannick's first time getting IN the bath tub and not having a sponge bath. He LOVED it! His eyes were all huge and he was so excited! It was DARLING! I was really nervous to be the first to put him in the bath, and man are babies slippery when wet!! LOL! He just kind of kept slipping out of my hands and slumping. It was quite hilarious to watch.

First real bath!
(Wednesday)


Then I got to play dress up. He got so big so fast that I am in a hurry to get him to wear the cute preemie clothes he was given. He wore Uncle Ty's outfit on Wednesday

Clothes from Uncle Tyler:



Aunt Cami's on Friday (after another bath)

Dino outfit from Aung Cami & Uncle Lloyd:

Bath time:
(Friday)



He always wears gramma's outfits and next will be the ones I bought him. It is SO fun!

My cute doggie outfit from gramma Terry:




He has been feeling better this week. We are crossing all of our fingers, toes, and limbs that he will be healthy for a while and can really grow and progress like he is supposed to. He is currently a VERY CHUBBY 6 lbs, 4 oz! I just love this little guy!

Brannick in his new bouncer:

Brannick is 5 Months!

Well, he is now 5 months old and 5 lbs 10 oz! He has gotten to be quite the chubby baby! Who knew that he could be chubby with how small he started? Amazing! He is doing well. He got sick a few weeks ago and had to be reintubated for a few days. Those were bad days for he and I. He was a maniac! His nurses couldn't figure out who he was cuz he was so angry about being on the ventillator again. Poor little guy! But they extubated him after about 5 days and he was great! A totally different kid! He was having a double doses of sedatives every 2 hours and was still ridiculous! We are SO glad to have him on only high flow oxygen again.
Not too much exciting news other than he is a cute chubby baby that loves to sleep and snuggle on mom. I LOVE that part!
Stretching and yawning:

Sleeping in his favorite spot on mom:

My cute Choo-choo outfit:

Supporting the packers!:

More cute pictures

I just can't stand how fun it has been to have Brannick wearing clothes. I get to hold him all the time now and I hope that within the next few weeks he can start learning how to eat.

This onsie is a Carters newborn size. He still has a ways to go to fit into this size:

The first time gramma got to hold him:

His cute sleeper outfit-still pretty big on him:

EXTUBATED!

Well, Brannick is now extubated and has a new little gadget in his nose to help give him the oxygen support he needs. He is now living in an open crib!! YAHOO! And that means he gets to wear clothes! The extubation/transition to the nasal canlua wasn't smooth at all, but he has learned to deal and is doing great! His vocal chords were depressed w/the ET tube for so long that he can't yet make noise, he just kind of squeaks and sounds weird when he tries to cry, but I love it!

Brannick in clothes:


My new oxygen support:


I love how is holding on to Justin's finger so tightly in this pic. He has just been throwing a fit so he doesn't look too happy...

4 months old

Well, on Jan 11 Brannick will be 4 months old! He has come so far! On December 23 he had laser eye surgery because the blood vessels in his eyes were not forming correctly and if they hadn't have fixed it his retina would have detached and he would be blind. That could still happen, but this surgery was a step in the right direction. It has shown success so far but we will just have to wait and see what his eyes do when they are fully developed.
On January 3rd he had a diaphragm plication where they folded over and stitched his diaphragm down to his side so the lung can have room to fully expand and function. This was done because he has a paralyzed diaphragm on the right side and this will help him to be able to breathe on his own. He will most likely be extubated this week and breathing on his own! Then he will graduate to an open bed and get to wear clothes.
He has grown SO MUCH! To me, he looks HUGE!!! He weighs 3 lbs 12 oz now. He is a little michelin man. We have been able to hold him a lot more now. If I have the time, I can usually hold him every time I go. It is so wonderful and he responds so positively to each kangaroo care. I just love the little guy!

Brannick & Daddy:

Family Picture:

We had a great Christmas! My sister Jenny was here with her hubby Jesse from North Carolina. My grandma an grandpa from Cali came too. It was SO fun to have them here! We had so much fun. We got lots of fun pics of them with Brannick and we even got a 4 generation picture.

4 Generations:

Brannick & Uncle Jesse:

Brannick & Aunt Jenny:

Justin surprised me with a kitchen table and chairs for Christmas. We had been using my parents card table and old chairs. I LOVE it! He did a great job picking it out! I feel so grown up having my own table. I got him an ipod. He was always using mine and constantly asking if he could take it and my docking station to work so I got him his own and loaded all of his music onto it. I don't think he has put it down. We got a klik klack from my parents. It is an upscale futon. We wanted a futon for our spare room because we are often blessed with company and it is so much nicer than a blow-up-mattress. We were so blessed this year! Brannick got lots of cute things, especially from past parents of NICU babies. They left TONS of stuff by his crib.

He stole santas pants (but went shirtless to show off his muscles):

Christmas hat from Great Gramma

Hat from Santa and Socks from a nurse:


So far we have had a great year! Justin and I are both blessed with work. I am working hygiene at a dental office in North Ogden now about 2.5 days a week and Justin works so hard for our family at the flour mill. We are so happy and hoping that by April we can have Brannick home with us to stay.